good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize