Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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