At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
