i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
