Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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