i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think i have two assholes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
