There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
