Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
