ugly people sure do ruin things
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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