I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize