Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
