whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
