did you get engaged???
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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