guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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