smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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