so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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