So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you never un-have a 4some
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
