did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
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