i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
