he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
