we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
