Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
