the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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