I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
