ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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