i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize