Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
