Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
