my sisters under your porch take her home
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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