I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize