Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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