I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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