Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
