weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
