I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
