I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
