This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
