don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
