So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
