He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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