VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
