wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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