if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
