every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
