I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
