OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
