There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
