i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
