Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
