I hate all girls vehemently.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize