What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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