is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
