If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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