people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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