i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
