I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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