So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
