4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
