His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
