he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
