im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
