I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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