I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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