using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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