She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
