Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
