So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
