And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
