random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
