Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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