and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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