She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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