ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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