Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
