I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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