But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
