saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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