God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize