i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
