Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
