dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
