peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
