That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
