come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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