I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
