Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
